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Well, ladies, have you had fun? I pray you have learned a lot about yourself and your husband during the past month.
Please join us, starting tomorrow, as we morph into a parenting devotional — and invite a friend.
‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Matthew 15:8
Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Revelation 2:4
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33
Have you renewed your first love? Did you speak the words from your heart, or only from your lips? Are you honoring your husband with the same honor you give Christ?
I’m going to leave it with that today and with an encouragement to keep up the challenge. If your husband hasn’t responded already, he will come around.
Oh, and Dan wanted me to share this other 30-day marriage challenge with you: The Relevant Church
My Turn: Dan works evenings, but each night, he phones to see if I need him to pick up anything from the store on his way home. It’s such a blessing to know I won’t have to get to the store with a pack of children in tote just because I forgot to add eggs to the grocery list.
My Prayer: Thank you father for the past 30 days of learning about my husband and giving him special honor. I pray you would give me the strength, courage, and self-control to continue this challenge for the rest of our lives.
Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him. Psalm 4:3
I value integrity above any other character trait.
A while back, Dan ended up with scabies. We can’t figure out where he picked them up – my guess is the person who used his chair during the previous shift at work left behind some friends.
As I was washing every piece of cloth and scrubbing the house floor to ceiling, the thought occurred to me, “I am so glad I do not have to worry about his fidelity on top of all this extra work.” He’s a man of his word – and that’s the end of that.
What does integrity look like? Psalm 15 gives us a great picture:
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his walk is blameless and who does what is righteous (Think Daniel)
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who speaks the truth from his heart (Honesty)
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has no slander on his tongue and casts no slur on his fellowman (No gossip)
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who does his neighbor no wrong (Trustworthy)
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who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD (Discerning)
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who keeps his oath even when it hurts (Faithful)
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who lends his money without usury (Compassionate)
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does not accept a bribe against the innocent (Just)
How are you with the above character traits? If you are lacking in any area, ask Jesus to strengthen you to overcome the temptation to sin.
My Turn: What more can I say? He’s a trustworthy man of God.
My Prayer: Lord Jesus, fill me with Your overcoming power to flee temptation and live triumphant for Your glory.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18
Does it really matter? As mom to four wonderful girls – who are also depraved and sinful – I often ask that question.
“Mommy, she keeps saying a spider is an insect.” — Does it really matter? You know it’s not and I know it’s not. She’ll learn eventually.
“Mommy, she’s sitting where I wanted to sit.” — Okay, so you sit next to her. Does it really matter where you sit?
“Mommy, she’s copying my drawing.” — Does it really matter? You should be happy she thinks you’re a great artist.
Oh, wait. The parenting blog doesn’t start for three more days. This is the wife part. And I probably shouldn’t complain about my children either (who, honestly get along quite well.)
So, what should really matter to us, as wives?
Can’t you put the seat down! — Yes, it looks nicer, but does it really matter?
Can’t you squeeze the toothpaste from the end of the tube! — Does it really matter? And if it’s that important to you, get your own tube.
Can’t you make the bed? Close the cupboard? Put it away? Clean off your desk? Pick up your underwear? (Okay, maybe that one does matter.)
I used to nag about things, but one day I realized: It’s not worth my marriage. It’s not worth the peace in my home. And my husband had quit hearing me. Once he heard the tone in my voice, he quit listening. No, it didn’t really matter.
But guess what! Once I quit complaining, he started listening.
Have you told him? He knows, so let it be. There can be more than one right way.
Oh, and the above list is just common marriage issues. It does not necessarily represent any complaint I have against my husband.
My Turn: I’ve been waiting to share this and I think today is good. — Dan’s company cut overtime hours the week before Valentine’s Day. Overtime pay, and the subsequent bonuses and incentives, comprise half his paycheck. We didn’t panic, because we knew God wasn’t losing sleep over it, but we went into conservation mode. So — I was very surprised to receive a gift for Valentine’s Day. Then I opened it. It was one of those electronic picture frames that you put all your pictures on and it plays a slide show. (Read: not cheap.) It was all I could do to not yell at him. Yes, I’ve been wanting one, but certainly not now. I did manage to get out, “Why did you spend money on this?” He didn’t. He had earned his choice of gadgets from his work and he chose that for me. He could have chosen any of a number of cool things, but he thought of me. Ain’t he wonderful?
Prayer: May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14) Lord, zip my mouth, button my lip before I let the wrong words slip.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s doing what’s right in spite of your feelings.
My list of courageous things:
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Forgiveness
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Raising children to obey and serve God
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Following the voice of God
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Holding your tongue
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Trusting God
Your list may be different, but we all have things we do not want to do, but know we must. What do you do with them?
Joshua 1:6-9 records God’s commissioning of Joshua to lead the Israelites. Three times in those four verses, God tells Joshua to be strong and courageous.
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To lead the people (v. 6)
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By obeying the law by meditating on it, you will be prosperous and successful (v. 7-8)
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Because the Lord will be with you wherever you go (v. 9)
God has called us to serve Him. He will equip us to do what He requires. When we obey His commands, He will be with us wherever we go. If that doesn’t give you courage, I don’t know what will.
My Turn: Dan is always quick to follow God. Once he hears the word, he will obey, no questions asked. It’s nice to know my man will do right.
Prayer: Father, give me courage to face the tasks you have for me today. Help me to love You and those you place in my path today.
Public Service Announcement:Beginning Sunday, March 2, this blog will morph into a parenting blog with weekly posts. Stay tuned!
And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. Luke 2:52
Balance. This is one area where I really struggle. Mom, wife, teacher – these roles take up much of my time. Where do I find the time to exercise, pursue friendships, and most importantly, spend time with God?
I’m not sure I can answer that, but I’ll try with a story. A true story? I don’t know, but it’s a good one. And, no, it’s not mine.
As the students filed into class, they noticed an odd collection on the teacher’s desk: a gallon jar, cup of pebbles, a bucket of rocks, a pail of sand, a jug of water, and two cups of tea.
After the class was seated, the teacher placed the rocks in the gallon jar. “Is the jar full?”
The rocks reached the rim, so the students responded, “Yes, Ma’am.”
She picked up the pebbles and slipped them into the jar. They tumbled around the rocks, filling in the empty spaces.
“Now is the jar full?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
She poured the sand into the jar. As it worked its way around the rocks and pebbles, she repeated her question once again: “Is the jar full?”
When the students hesitated to answer, she picked up the jug and dumped the water in. It filled to the rim. “Now, it is full. How can we apply this lesson to our lives?”
One student ventured, ”There’s always room for something else?”
“That’s a good guess,” responded the teacher. “But I had something else in mind. What would have happened if I started with the sand and pebbles?”
“The rocks wouldn’t have fit.”
“Exactly. When we plan our schedule, we need to plan for the big things first. The smaller things will work their way in.”
A student in the front row raised his hand. “But what about the tea cups?”
The teacher smiled and handed him one of the cups. “I’m glad you asked. Remember, there’s always time for a cup of tea with a friend.”
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My turn: I am so glad my husband had the foresight to insist on a flat rate mortgage when we bought our house. Someone we know just had their monthly payments jump by $1,000 and are close to loosing their home because they have an adjustable rate. I remember questioning him on that decision when we were signing papers. Praise God he knew more than I did!
Prayer: Lord Jesus, help me to keep my priorities straight, to plan for the important things first and let the lesser things work their way into the schedule.
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
Paul tells us here in Philippians, the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus if we:
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Rejoice in the Lord.
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Be gentle.
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Remember the Lord is near.
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Do not be anxious
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But pray with thanksgiving.
Start with rejoicing, end with thanksgiving (sounds like praise).
Now, look at the last phrase of Isaiah 26:3 — “because he trusts in you.” Wow! I don’t know about you, but I can look at the times when I get angry and frustrated and definately see that I am not trusting: God, my husband, my children. My lack of trust breaks the peace in our family.
How to we maintain that trust? I’m glad you asked. Back up a few words, “him whose mind is steadfast.” Steadfast? That’s not a word I use every day. What does it mean?
Mirriam Webster’s Online Dictionary defines it as: firmly fixed in place or not subject to change.
So, I guess it just comes down to a choice. I will choose an attitude of praise and trust. When I do, Jesus Christ will keep me in perfect peace.
My Turn: I am thankful Dan is a man of peace and forgiveness. We’ve been married 15 years. I can count on one hand the nubmer of times in He has raised his voice in anger. Plus, he helps keep me in check when I start getting frustrated.
Prayer: Jesus, Prince of Peace, be my peace. Remind me to keep focused on You so our home will be filled with peace.
I am going to briefly touch on two topics today.
1) Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:1-5
Today, in the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge, Nancy discusses parenting, one of those topics that, in the years before our oldest was born, would send me into a fit of tears. If you are dealing with infertility, either because of the inability to conceive or due to miscarriage, please check out the Jennifer Saake’s book and web site: Hannah’s Hope.
Jennifer and her husband grieved through ten years of losses before being blessed with their two living children. God has used Jennifer to show countless couples that they are not alone in their grief. The book also includes tips for those supporting the infertile couple through their journey.
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A couple days ago, I discussed my philosophy on complaining about my husband. Add to the list of people never to complain to: children. I do my best to never correct Dan in front of the girls. They need to know we are united in raising them and they cannot play us one against the other. In fact, in our home, to ask Daddy when Mommy’s said “No” is a crime equal to disobedience.
Children need to know they can count on Dad and Mom to work together for their good. They need Mom’s example to teach them to honor Dad – and their future spouses. Let’s give them the model they need.
My Turn: Dan was a “change of life” baby. His parents were not ready for the energy necessary to take care of rambunctious little Danny, especially once he got older and they were sick. In spite of limited modeling of appropriate skills, Dan works to be the best Daddy he can be for his girls.
Prayer: Father God, thank you for your word, which gives us all the wisdom we need for parenting and marriage. Help us to look to Your timeless instructions so our most important relationships can succeed.
PS: On the topic of fathers, have you heard Steven Curtis Chapman’s new song: Cinderella? I heard it today for the first time – and cried all the way through it.
Public Service Announcement: On March 2, this blog will miraculously morph into a parenting blog, with a weekly format. Please keep coming back.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
Only one week left of our 30-Day challenge. How are you doing?
I just got an email from a friend with an all-to-common tale. Her brother is fearful his wife is looking to leave him. But his wife loves him too dearly to do so. Yes, they are struggling, but she wants to stay with him. But why is he so uncertain? My guess is they are not speaking the same language.
Dan and I recently read The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. Mr.Chapman suggests there are five ways people understand love: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Problems often crop up in a marriage when one spouse understands love one way, but the other spouse doesn’t think to express it in that manner.
Think of it this way. Recently, a deaf man attended our church. He could have sat in silence for the whole service and gotten nothing or someone could interpret for him. But, neither of our interpreters were there that evening. Since I had one sign language class ten years ago, I sat with him and fumbled through an interpretation of the service. He certainly didn’t get as much out of the service as he would have if someone fluent in sign language had been there, but he appreciated the effort and worked with me to make sure he was understanding.
Looking at the above list, what to you think your husband’s “love language” is? You may not speak his language fluently, but if you talk to him about it, he’s sure to help you and appreciate your efforts.
My Turn: Dan is speaking a foreign language when he tries to speak my love language. But he continues to work with me and try.
Prayer: Lord Jesus, help me to speak my husband’s language so I can assure him of my love and be a conduit of Your love to him.
[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:7
Early in our marriage I determined that no one needed to know Dan’s deficiencies. I spent enough time defending him to my brothers, they certainly didn’t need more ammo. My mom didn’t need to hear me complain about him. And my sister-in-law certainly knows all his faults and doesn’t need me rehashing them with her. My friends need to respect him and how could they do that if I’m always complaining about him.
So, I kept my mouth shut.
My job is to stand beside my husband, to love him and support him. He gets beat down enough in his job. He needs a safe haven, and can only have that if he knows he can trust me to honor him at all times.
I’ve done well at keeping that trust when talking to others, but have often failed when talking to my beloved. That is why I decided to take this challenge. Thank you for joining me. I’ve learned a lot about myself these past three weeks and am looking forward to the final week.
My Turn:
This is my husband:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Prayer:
Lord, let me be a vessel of Your love, always protecting, never failing, always persevering. Never rude, always kind. Slow to anger, abounding in grace.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:20-21
I’ve heard it said, “Show me your checkbook, and I’ll show you your heart.” What do your spending patterns say about your priorities? What do you treasure?
Are you faithful in giving to your local church? Do you prioritize God’s kingdom? Is your spending on entertainment and temporal “things” balanced?
How do you spend your time? Do you focus on family and friends? Are you diligent in the work God has prepared for you? Do you take time to rest? Do you prioritize time with God? Are you balanced in your use of television and computers?
If any area is out of line with God’s word, pray that God would help you line up with His will for your life.
I am thankful that my husband has a strong sense of Kingdom priorities.
My prayer: Lord, let my desires fall in line with your desires. Destroy out any seed of selfishness and materialism that would set itself against Your plan for my life. Help me view each decision in light of eternity.
